S1 E21 Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics
by JDPostEpisodeChallenge
Summary: written by kcat1971
1. Chapter 1

I knew we should have been faster. Now we are running behind. I hate being late. Even if the reason was fairly enjoyable. "They've got to start the poll, Josh. It's 7:05."

"It's ten to seven."

Why does he argue with me? I can tell time. This is my job. This is how I contribute. "No, it's really not."

"It's 7:05?"

"Yeah."

"That's ridiculous."

"I'm not making it up."

"My watch says ten to seven."

"That's 'cause your watch sucks." I really should just get him a new watch. If we cancel the P.O. Box, we'd have the money in a couple months.

"My watch is fine."

"Your watch says ten to seven."

"How do I know it isn't ten to seven?" I hear the humor in his voice. Now he's just playing with me. But really. We don't have time for this.

"'Cause those large clocks on the wall that are run by the U.S. Navy, say your watch sucks. In fact, they say your watch sucks in four different time zones."

As we stop at CJ's office, I can hear that Toby is razzing her. I guess everyone is in a mood today.

"Guys, do you know it's five after seven?" But they ignore me. CJ walks out the other door, and Toby and Ginger follow. I fall into place next to Bonnie.

"It's five after seven." I tell her. Maybe she'll listen to me, then maybe someone will listen to her. But she just shrugs her shoulders at me. I guess she doesn't care, or it's not a battle she's willing to fight.

As we walk through the hall, Josh and Toby continue to argue with CJ about the questions. Something about being considered average. Of course Josh would consider it pejorative to be considered average. He's way above average. He's brilliant. He also sucks at telling time.

Finally, CJ seems to get that it's time to start. Of course, everyone listens to her. She's a badass. I wanna be CJ when I grow up.

. . . . . .

The next morning, I'm looking for Josh, who is of course running behind again. Keeping that man on task is a full time job. In fact, it's my full time job. 24/7

"They might put it on the table." Ah, there he is, just follow the sound of his exasperated voice.

"They won't put it on the table." As soon as I hear Kenny, I know what's going on. He's with Joey. Again.

"They might…"

"They won't."

"I'm saying if they do put it on the table…"

"They won't."

"Is there any possibility you're going to let me finish a sentence? Is there any chance at all that that's going to happen?"

Sure enough, I find Josh in Joey Lucas's office, flirting. I suppose technically they are arguing but I know flirting when I see it. Especially my husband's brand of flirting. Normally I'd barge in, but something compels me to hang back, out of sight. Seeing Josh behave like this is disconcerting. No, that's not it exactly, I've seen him behave like this before. This is different. It's something about her. I don't know why, but this just stings more than usual.

Joey signs something and then Kenny says, "You don't have to raise your voice to me."

To which, predictably, Josh raises his voice even more. I know the pattern well. "How the hell do you know if I'm raising my voice to you?"

"I guessed!" Joey answers herself, smirking while she does.

Meanwhile, Josh still hasn't noticed me yet. He's too focused on Joey.

"You're here to give me a counter argument on English as the official language of the United States. You are not here to speculate on whether or not the Republicans are going to put the issue on the table."

"Okay!" Joey answers.

"Good!" Josh responds.

Then Joey signs something to Kenny again. I'm pretty sure whatever it was, wasn't complimentary to Josh.

"What'd she say?" Josh just has to know.

"They won't." Kenny responds.

"Okay, look…" Josh starts in again, But I finally make myself known.

"Josh."

"What?" He asks irritably. Great, just what I need today, for him to take his frustration out on me.

"You wanted me to let you know when C.J. started talking about the drug memo."

"C.J. started the briefing already?"

"A half hour ago."

"The briefing is not supposed to start 'til eleven."

"Guess what?"

"My watch sucks?"

"Yes, indeed." See. I can flirt too.

Josh looks back at Joey. "Okay, I'll be back and when I get back, you're going to argue with me and we're going to argue about the things I want to argue about and you're going to do your best not to annoy me so much."

Kenny translates Joey's response: "It's almost hard to believe you're not married."

My heart stops.

"Oh-ho-ho!" Josh shakes head, "Many have tried."

And my heart breaks. I know we are keeping this a secret, but does he have to sound like marriage is the worst thing that could happen to him? That he'd only do it if trapped? I didn't trap him. In fact, it was his idea!

He's completely oblivious to my internal heartache. As we walk away, he jumps off to another topic.

"Did Toby find a country?"

I try to stay in work mood, not showing my malaise. "The Federated States of Micronesia."

"Is that a real country?"

Instead, I try to banter with him, a little bit of flirting between the two of us would make me feel a lot better. "Yes, it's located 2500 miles southwest of Hawaii where you've never taken me."

But Josh isn't really playing. "When was I supposed to take you to Hawaii?" He answers flatly.

Gee, I don't know. Maybe if we'd had a honeymoon. Of course, I can't say that where someone might hear. So I try to keep my answer light. "Anytime. It's something bosses do."

"The Federated States of Micronesia." Josh repeats, obviously, he's staying in work mode.

But I can't help myself. "They have some of the best scuba diving in the world."

It would be nice if he'd at least acknowledge in some way that he'd _like_ to vacation with me.

His "Okay" doesn't really sound like agreement. Now I won't be dissuaded. I plow on as we walk into his office.

"The Mantas, for instance, on the island of Yap, are prized among those who…"

"Stop talking, now." He tells me as he turns on the TV, where CJ's briefing is well underway. But I've got this between my teeth, and I can't just let it go.

"A guy takes his assistant on a quick trip to Maui. It's not like unheard of."

"Shhhh…"

I finally shut my mouth and lean back against the desk, trying to focus on CJ's briefing, so I don't think about the last few minutes. But it's no use. I find myself spiraling a bit.

Josh didn't find me witty, or amusing, or loveable. He only wanted basic information from me, then for me to keep my mouth shut. He's probably half listening to CJ and half thinking about getting back to the banter with Joey.

I feel kind of sick. Maybe this is it. Maybe two years of marriage is all I get. Maybe he found someone closer to his level, someone he can have a serious conversation with, who holds her own and doesn't ask so many questions. Maybe he's tired of me.

. . . . .

Somehow I drag myself through the day. Josh doesn't seem to need me for anything other than serving as his human watch. I type up a few notes for him at one point, but I bite my tongue on asking any questions about English as the National Language. He's made it obvious that he prefers to talk to Joey about it.

When it's time to head over to the polling center, he offers to let me go home. For a few minutes I wonder if he wants me to. Does he want to be on his own? Usually he likes having me around, especially if I can help run interference with Mandy. At least I know he's not interested in going back to her. She might be brilliant, but she's mean. Between Mandy and me, I already won.

But that's before he met Joey. Joey seems really brilliant too. And she's pretty nice. And she's funny.

When I tell him I'll go, he agrees with an indifferent shrug.

Sure enough, once we get there Josh and Joey start right back up. Even Mandy looks completely fed up with them.

After a few minutes, Josh quotes Theodore Roosevelt- "We have room for but one language here, and that is the English Language. For we intend to see that the crucible turns our people out as Americans, and not as dwellers in a polyglot boarding house."

I'm really glad when Kenny asks "What kind of boarding house?" It will save me from having to look up polyglot later. And it's nice to know that Josh stumped Joey with his vocabulary too.

"Polyglot. It means... ah... having knowledge of or speaking…"

But then Joey signs something and Kenny says- "I know what 'polyglot' means."

Josh seems taken back. "Then why did you ask me?"

"He asked you!" Joey shouts pointing to Kenny. Oh. I guess he didn't stump Joey. Well, at least Kenny didn't know either.

Josh doesn't let that slow him down. "My point is…"

"Will the two of you shut up, or the three of you. However many of you are talking, could half of you stop?"

I don't think I've ever been quite so glad to have Mandy jump into a conversation. For once she and I are on the same page.

CJ walks in, and I'm glad to see her too. Even though her tone is a little shrill when she asks- "What are you all doing here?"

"Here's another laid-back member of our team." Josh jokes.

But CJ just repeats herself. "What are you all doing here?"

"Mandy's here cause she's suppose to be." Josh points out. "Joey's here because Al Kiefer told her to stop by…"

"And what are you doing here?" CJ asks. And I for one would really like to know the answer to that question.

"I'm kind of in charge of morale." I wish he'd decide to be in charge of my morale. I kind of thought that was part of his job description. But the way he's acting, it's like I'm not even here.

"Josh." CJ's tone is chilling.

"The calls are going great." Josh offers in response, fairly oblivious to her unhappiness. That seems par for the course today.

"I'm trying to meet a deadline, Josh. I've got a 48-hour window and you can't stand here distracting the female callers."

See, even CJ recognizes his flirting and she knows that he can be distracting.

Josh calls out to the room- "Have I been distracting the female callers?"

I can't help but smirk a little when they call answer "No" together.

"Not even a little bit?" He whines, apparently his fragile ego is slightly bruised.

"This is what I'm saying." CJ points out.

Josh flips into somewhat professional mode- "The window's fine. It's a good response rate. They're making their quotas. Stop bothering me."

"Did Josh mention he's in charge of morale?" CJ quips to Joey.

"Yes, I am. And as such, I'm going out to get coffee for everyone 'cause a few hundred volts of caffeine is just what the Doctor ordered around here." Then he turns to Joey. "And you should've been more impressed that I was able to quote Theodore Roosevelt."

"I was impressed that you knew what 'polyglot' meant."

"760 S.A.T. word, baby."

As he leaves to get the coffee, he gives me a little head nod, that I recognize as an invitation to join him. I'm honestly surprised that he remembered I'm here, but I stand up to follow him. Because even if all I get is scraps, I love him more than is reasonable. I'll follow him to the ends of the earth, and I'll tell a hundred lies to keep his secrets.


	2. Chapter 2

I roll over and reach for Donna, but her side of the bed is empty and the sheets are cold. I bold upright, feeling my heart start to pound. First,I glance toward the bathroom, but the light is off. She's not there. Then I peer through the doorway into the kitchen and beyond. Where the hell is she?

I throw the covers back, and climb out of bed. Geez! It's cold in here. Taking just a moment, I grab my boxers and t-shirt off the floor and throw them on while trying to convince myself that everything is fine. She's got to be here in the apartment somewhere.

I feel a little silly getting all worked up. But, it's been a crazy week with the polling, and the FEC. It feels like we haven't spend much time together. She was already asleep when I got home tonight, which was unusual. Typically she doesn't leave work before I do. Even though I always offer her the opportunity whenever I can spare her, it's rare that she leaves without me. But tonight, she was gone before my post-oval office meeting with Leo was finished. I hope she's feeling okay. She's been a little off this week. I hope she's not coming down with something. Maybe I should give her tomorrow off and let her get some extra rest?

My heart rate slows down a little when I finally find my missing wife sitting on the couch in the den. I'm glad to see her wrapped in a blanket. It really is cold in here. I don't want her to get a chill.

I can't really tell what she's doing. Is she reading? That lamp isn't very bright. She's going to strain her eyes.

As I get closer, I see that she's not looking at a book. She's holding a picture frame. A picture frame containing the photo of the best moment of my life.

Looking at it, no one would know it's our wedding photo. Our only wedding photo. We're standing against a blank wall. Arms around each other. Grinning at the camera. We're stone-cold sober.

When people think about quick elopements, they think about drunks getting married by Elvis in Vegas. But Connecticut doesn't have any waiting period either.

And when the campaign gives you a week off because your father just died, and you don't know how you're going to make it, and suddenly an angel shows up to help you get through it, and your Mom watches the two of you with knowing eyes, but is too crushed to do her normal matchmaking. And when on the day before you have to go back and face the real world, you finally realize that the only way, _the only way_ , you're willing to go on is if you never have to worry about being alone again, well, sometimes you make a sudden decision.

And when your father was friends with the county judge, it's pretty easy to get in, get a license, and get married in under an hour.

And sometimes, you get lucky, because it's the best decision you've ever made.

I could just stare at her all night, and think about how I'm the luckiest man alive, but Donna's voice startles me from my reminiscing.

"You're falling for Joey Lucas."

Her voice isn't teasing, it's deadly serious, and I don't react well.

"That's a damn lie!" I respond vehemently, rounding the corner of the couch to tower over her.

She seems to shrink a little. "Mandy thinks so." She responds softly. "She told me about how the two of you were flirting in the oval office waiting for the poll numbers to come in. She said you'd make a nice couple. You wouldn't even need to get your towels re-monogrammed."

"I don't give a damn what Mandy thinks!" I shout but when Donna cringes, I lower my voice. What am I doing? We don't do this. I've shouted for her but I've never yelled at her. And I've never seen her look like this. Suddenly, I'm very anxious.

"Donna?" I ask softly, but she continues to study the photo. "What do you think?"

Finally, she looks up at me. Tears are swimming in her eyes. "I don't know."

My heart shatters into a million pieces and I drop onto the couch next to her.

She doesn't know? She doesn't know that she's the only one I want. That I have to fight back the urge to shout it from the rooftops? That every time someone makes a comment about us, I feel like I have to double down on this game that we are playing to try to avoid suspicion? That two years of this is starting to wear on me.

Is it even worth it? Whatever it is that we are trying to avoid? Leo's wrath? The President's disappointment? Is avoiding it worth it if my wife is sitting on the couch looking at our lone wedding photo dejectedly? Crying to herself and wondering if I'm in love with someone else?

I scrub my head and try to figure out what to say. I can't deny that I've been flirting with Joey all week. But I can't believe that Donna thought it meant anything.

I glance over at her. She looks so small. Her arms are wrapped around her body like she's trying to hold herself together.

"Hey, c'mere. . . . please." I ask gently opening my arms. The tears haven't stopped but she scoots over and leans into me so I wrap them tightly around her.

"I love you. I didn't mean to hurt you by flirting with Joey. I'm not falling for her. She's a nice lady but you're the one I want to spend my days with. You're the one I want to come home with. You're the one I want in my bed at night."

"It hasn't felt like it this week." Donna confesses and I start to realize that I may have done some serious damage here.

"Oh god, Donna, I'm sorry."

"Joey is beautiful and smart. She's your equal. I'm just . . ." a soft sob escapes as Donna trails off.

"Oh my god. _Donna_." I feel like she just stabbed me in the chest. "You're everything. No one compares."

She doesn't know this? I suck. I'm just a horrible husband.

Then a terrible thought strikes me. Maybe she wants out. Maybe she's sick of me. I'll do anything. I can't lose her.

I pull her into my lap and hang on for dear life while she cries softly into my neck. 760 word score isn't doing me any good right now. I'm at a loss.

"I love you, baby. Only you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I know I'm babbling, crooning words that I hope she hears. That I hope she believes.

Eventually she stops crying. She doesn't move, just keeps her face buried in my shoulder while I rub her back.

I'm exhausted but every fiber is on edge. I have to do something. I can't let my marriage end like this. I have to know there's still hope for us. So I ask the only thing that matters to me at the moment.

"Do you still love me?"

I don't know what I'll do if she says no. But I have to know how big of a mess I've made. I have to figure out how to fix this.

"Yes, of course. I still love you." She answers quickly. But then quietly adds, "If I didn't, this wouldn't hurt so much."

"I'm sorry. I was stupid. I didn't even realize. I didn't think I was treating Joey any differently than anyone else. I flirt with everyone."

"I know." She starts to slide off my lap, but I don't let her go.

"Please, stay with me."

"Josh. I was just going to sit next to you. This can't be comfortable for you."

"It's perfect. You belong in my arms."

"I want to be able to look at you while we're talking."

Reluctantly, I shift a little, letting her slide over but keeping her legs on my lap and turning so that we are facing each other. She takes a deep breath.

"Maybe you weren't actually acting all that different with Joey. But it really bothered me. I could see the two of you together. You probably would make a good couple."

"NO. We wouldn't. Donna, you're the only one for me. I don't want anyone else. I want you. I've never regretted getting married. Not once."

"But the way you responded to Joey- you made it sound like marriage was a trap to be avoided at all costs." Her voice goes up, "I didn't trap you!" And then goes soft again, "I thought you liked our life."

She sounds pitiful, like she really doesn't know that she's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.

"I do! I was just covering our lie. I've never had someone come right out and say something about me getting married. I didn't handle it well."

I give her hand a squeeze. "Asking you to marry me was the smartest thing I've ever done. I love our life together."

She looks at me with a measure of uncertainty and it absolutely kills me. I don't want her to doubt my love. How can I convince her?

Maybe it's time to give this secret up. It's been over two years. Certainly we've proven that we can work together without it causing problems. Well, I mean other than this week, but it hasn't caused problems with our work.

"The only reason I wanted to keep this a secret is because I can't function without you. We've been over this. Leo gave me a lecture when you started working on the campaign. He told me at the first sign of impropriety he'd move you out of my office so fast my head would spin. He'll kill me if he knows that not only did I fall in love with you on the campaign, but that I married you too. But I'd rather be dead than have you doubt my love."

"Don't say things like that."

"It's true. You know how I feel about my job. But I'd give it up for you. If it's ever a choice between you and the job. I choose you. I need you to know that."

She gives me a small smile, and I feel hopeful for the first time since she started crying.

"I don't want you to give up your job for me. And I don't want to have to quit mine either. But I also don't want our marriage to end in divorce."

"It won't!"

"Josh. The District has the highest divorce rate in the country. 29.9% How many of those people said it wouldn't happen to them?"

"That's just a statistic. It won't be us. I simply won't permit it. I will fight for you and for this marriage with every ounce of my being. You think I'm Bartlet's bulldog? That's nothing compared to what I'll be for you."

"Donna's bulldog?" She grins at me and I see the melancholy slipping away.

"Hell yeah."

"Okay."

"So you want to stay married to me?" I give her my best puppy dog eyes, and follow it up with the dimples. She has a hard time resisting the dimples.

"Yes. But can you reign it in a little with Joey? I don't know why she makes me feel this way, but she does. And I just need to know that I'm the one you want."

"You're the one I want." I pull her back on to my lap. "I'll make an appointment to talk to Leo and the President. Maybe I can convince them to just move you over to communications or somewhere close by. And then maybe you can convince them that I didn't debauch you and force you into marriage and they won't kill me."

"No. Don't do that. Somehow we've made it two years without anyone finding out. I like being with you all day. You're the one I want to work with. I don't want a different job. Just a little bit longer and we'll be past the re-election, then no one will care."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, but I'd like you to promise me one thing."

"Anything."

"Someday you'll take me to Hawaii."


End file.
